In the land of Cheezburger lived many beautiful cats. There were large cats, small cats, thin cats, and fat cats, but above all, every single cat was cute. These cute cats would spend hours each day napping, periodically opening their eyes to indulge in some fresh salmon or chicken. Every cat was taken care of and treated like royalty. Of course, all cats were treated with the highest respect at this time. Of all the cats in Cheezburger, there was one who stood out from the pack, Purrsephone. Her eyes, a beautiful blue, contrasted perfectly with her coat of white. And although not fat, she was just the right amount of plump so that her eyes looked like two pools of water on a snowy hill.
Dis, the lord of the underworld, began to grow lonely and was jealous of the majestic cat Jupiter had. Jupiter always sent out super cute emails with him and his cat to the other gods. If Dis could find a cat, he could one up his brother, and maybe even find a friend in the process.
The cats of Cheezburger were all enjoying their mid-afternoon nap when Dis came rushing through. He saw the blue-eyes white cat resting underneath a tree and snatched her up. Purrsephone let out a screech that alarmed all the other cats, but it was too late. Dis had already returned to the depths of his home. That night, basking in the success of his victory, Dis took a selfie with Purrsephone and sent it to Jupiter himself. Jupiter, seeing Purrsephone under Dis’s control, commanded that Dis return her to Cheezburger where she belongs. He claimed that if Purrsephone was not returned by the time the Sun had finished his rounds the next day, Dis would be punished.
Dis, of course, refused to give up his prize. He spent the entire next day with her; with every second that passed, he felt more of a connection to Purrsephone, and he began to think that he saw the same look in the blue eyes staring back at him.
When the Sun had finished his rounds, Jupiter offered Dis one last chance to right his wrong. Dis couldn’t say no fast enough. He had fallen in love with Purrsephone’s blue eyes. He told Jupiter he would rather die a million deaths than lose her. Jupiter, happy to grant that wish, pulled back a lightning bolt and prepared to strike. Just as he let it go, Purrsephone walked in front of Dis and rubbed her tail against his leg.
Author's Note: This is a much different version of Ovid's Dis and Proserpine. In the original story, because of one of Cupid's famous arrows, Dis sees Proserpine and decides that he must have her.Refusing to take no for an answer, Dis abducts the innocent Proserpine, rapes her, and takes her to the underworld to live with him forever. Ceres, Proserpine's mother, searches every corner of the earth for her daughter, but she is nowhere to be found. Finally, she finds a small thread floating in a river, a thread from Proserpine. After seeing this, she knows where her daughter is and is outraged. She tries to have Proserpine brought back from the underworld, but it is already to late. Dis, knowing that once Proserpine eats food from the underworld, she can no longer leave, feeds her several Pomegranate seeds. Thus, Proserpine is destined to live forever in the underworld with her "husband" Dis.
Instead of Dis falling in love with Proserpine and raping her, Dis finds a cat and falls in love with her instead. Cats are way cooler than people; this is why I decided to make Proserpine a cat. Just before the end of my story, Purrsephone rubs on Dis's leg, symbolizing their quickly grown friendship. It's a sweeter ending because Purrsephone actually does share feelings for Dis. Meow.
“Dis and Persephone” from a translation of Ovid’s Metamorphoses translated by Tony Kline. Web Source: Poetry in Translation
